Cover
Half Titile
Title Page
Copyright Page
Contents
Introduction
Lesbian Ex-Lover Relationships: Under-Estimated, Under-Theorized and Under-Valued?
“The Changer and The Changed”: Ex-Lovers as Contexts for Development
To All the Girls I Left Before
Tenth Anniversary
Coming Out of My Closet
Coming Out of My Closet
In My Dream: My Ex-Lovers’ Unconventional Convention
These Most Difficult Tasks
These Most Difficult Tasks
Passion
Moving Costs: Challenges of (Re)Defining Our Relationships and Dealing with Unfinished Business
Still the One
Joan
Michelle
Joan
Michelle
Joan
Michelle
Joan
Michelle
Loading Up the U-Haul: Traveling the Spaces Between Friends and Lovers
Daring to Take the Risk
Introduction
How did it Start?
An Awakening! the Walk
Working it Out
The Good Times
A Horrible Year
Different Lives
The Wasteland–Living Without Each Other
The Catalyst–Becoming Friends Again
How We did it
Lovers Again
Family Affairs
Family Affairs
Highly Favored Ex
For Emily, Many Years Too Late/ Years Later, in Another City, I Still Think of Her
For Emily, Many Years Too Late
Years Later, in Another City, I Still Think of Her
Too Much Tsoras? The High Costs of Maintaining Ties
Truth, Dreams and the Li(v)es Between
Temporary Temptation
Temporary Temptation
Lost Love
Lost Love
Neurotic Love Letters
Before: Illusion
During: Lust
After: Betrayal
Goodbye Note to My Lover
Goodbye Note to My Lover
Leaving Liza
Lesbian Ex-Lovers by the Numbers: A Reflective but Not Contemplative Love Poem of Sorts
Not Lovers But Not “Just Friends”: Reconstructing Families, Friendships and Communities
Personal Stories
I’m Not Lisa
The House on Transcript Avenue
One true story: The Lesbian Herstory of My Last Home, Heretofore Referred to as the House
A Linear Herstory of the House to Date
House Update
The Last Update
Epilogue
The Politics of Potlucks
Family Doggerel
Family Doggerel
The Visit
Irritating and Constricting/ Elating and Elastic– Being “Ex” as a Lesbian
Theoretical Reflections
Consummated Friends and Ex-Wives: Two Types of Lesbian Ex-Lovers
When Three’s a Crowd: Ex-Lovers and Lesbian Families in 2 Girls in Love
Plot Summary: The Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls in Love
Introduction
'Did you hear About her Family? They’re, Like, all Lesbians!'
Arrival of the Ex-Lover
Toward a Family of Friends
Conclusion
Making the Transition: Understanding the Longevity of Lesbian Relationships
Female-Male Relation
Female-Female Relation
Positive Viewpoints Towards Female-Female Relations
Negative Viewpoints Towards Female-Female Relations
Lesbian-Lesbian Relations
Lesbian FLEX-ibility: Friend and/or Family Connections Among Lesbian Ex-Lovers
Introduction: Setting the Stage
GOKWA–“God Only Knows What We Are”
Telling Tales
Naming Our Terms
Background Research: Examining the Relevant Literatures
Lesbian Ex-Lovers: How Often Do Our Ties Bind?
Heterosexual Ex-Lover Relationships: How Do They Comparre?
Where Do Things Stand?
Telling Explanatory Stories about Lesbians and Our Ex-Lovers
“Problematic Development” Stories
Stories of Adaptation: Development in the Context of Oppression
Additional Contributing Factors
Concluding Reflections on Contextual and Other Contributing Factors Shaping Lesbians’ Friendship Patterns and Lesbians’ Ex-Lover Relationships
Constructing New Visions of Healthy Relationships and Healthy Developm
Reframed Development Stories
Challenging/Changing the Model of Dyadic Relationships/Families
Stories Still to Tell
Cautionary Tales and Considerations
Future Directions: Research Questions, Theoretical Perspectives,Clinical Considerations, and Community Development
Implications of Our Stories
Concluding Comments
Afterword
The Migration of the Mythic Lesbian
(Not So) Ex-Love
Learning to do the Narrative Shuffle
Exes: The Mothers of Reinvention
Index