Confessions of an Estranged College Freshman

✍ Scribed by Parker, Kitty

• Book ID: 108857005
• Publisher: UNKNOWN
• Year: 2016
• Tongue: English
• Weight: 154 KB
• Category: Fiction
• ASIN: B01MCTYJVV

✦ Synopsis

The world hated me. How did I know that the world hated me, Evangeline Eleanor Kaiser, of all people? Well, for starters, my lovely parents decided that, with a surname beginning with the letter K, their daughter ought to have first and middle names beginning with the letter E. Needless to say, I was one of the few kids who never had one of those initialed L.L. Bean backpacks. Luckily, the humor of the "EEK!" jokes wore thin after elementary school. Of course, people made some cracks about my last name when we studied World War One in middle school, but calling me "Wilhelm" and demanding that I pay war reparations got old pretty quickly as well. The more poignant evidence of the world’s apparent disdain for me was the terribly awkward scenario I’d just been placed in. I had barely been on the campus of Cornell University for four days when I discovered that, by some sadistic coincidence, my ex-boyfriend, Amory Atherton, was rooming with none other than Tully McFadden, my estranged childhood best friend. The McFadden family had lived next door to mine on a quiet street near the ocean in Gloucester, Massachusetts since April of 1989. My mother and Mrs. McFadden had bonded over the fact that they were both expecting, having bitch sessions about morning sickness, collectively ordering their husbands to get them macadamia nut cookies at strange hours of the night, buying baby clothes, and whatever else two pregnant women on the prowl might do together. When Tully had come along on August eighth, my parents had nervously paced the waiting room along with his father and godparents. When I’d followed on October twelfth, Tully had been the first person of my generation to make my acquaintance. Mrs. McFadden was a housewife and had graciously offered to look after me along with Tully until my parents returned from work in the evenings. This found me at his house every day without fail. As a toddler, he’d been a biter, and I’d been his favorite chew toy. I’d put up with it for quite a while before, at the tender age of three, I’d finally kicked him in the shin. This was my earliest memory. Tully had never bitten me again after that. In kicking him, I’d somehow earned his respect and become a suitable playmate. We’d grown up practically attached at the hip and had been one of the few boy-girl best friend pairings in existence at our elementary school. Our entire first grade class had actually come to realize that cooties were fictional based solely on the fact that Tully and I hadn’t gotten sick yet. Every day, recess had found us together, climbing on the jungle gym, attempting to dig to China in the sandbox, or simply lying on the grass and staring at the clouds. We’d taken care of each other: I’d kissed his cuts and scrapes to make them feel better, and he’d given cuts and scrapes to any boy who dared to pick on me. Every winter, I’d go to his pee-wee hockey games, and every spring, he’d go to my dance recitals. We’d been inseparable. All this had changed (for me, at least) when sixth grade came around. Sure, we’d still been Tully and Evie, the Terrific Twosome, but my feelings toward my best friend had started to change. I’d accidentally developed a crush on Tully McFadden.